33 and a Third

This blog is about a friend of mine, David Barker. David is a unique individual. (I suppose we all are in some way, but he’s more unique.) I’ve never met anyone who’s as exuberant over just about everything. I’ve also never met anyone with such encyclopaedic knowledge on so many topics: from the origin of words (is it called etymology?) to physics.

I first met him while working at CBC years ago, but got to know him a little better when a long time friend, Jim, introduced us at a Christmas party and said, something like, “Sit down, this guy’s a hoot!”. And he was.

Although David, like most everyone in this world, struggles to get by – he shouldn’t have to. He would be the perfect, eccentric zillionaire. Someone should drop tons of money on him. Something went wrong, somewhere. Just like I think my friend Andy should be a full-time movie critic, and another friend, Gord, should have been a radio personality, I think David should have been rich.

David’s ability to play with words has always amazed me. Reid thinks he’d make an great writer. I’ve always enjoyed David’s signatures when he sends me e-mail. A short time ago, I started saving them, intending to put them up on the web and for some reason, today feels like the right day. Here they are:

Less is Moriarty, the Abstract Minimalist Supervillain

The Ancient Creeping Evil From Before the Dawn of
Time, but you can call me Azathoth. Just don’t call
me late for dinner.

Someone’s Evil Nemesis, I mean I’d have to be, right?

Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it
only looks like a bird or a plane! It’s Barkerman!
Esq.

The King of All Peru (except those funny guys in the
south with the accents)

Unshaven Talks-to-himself Bug-eating Oogly Guy

Scary Lives-a-Refrigerator-Box Boogedy Man

Reclusive Eccentric Famous Author

Famous Dave

Bonzo, the Now Non-Exploding Safety Clown!

An Exact Duplicate

I Would Blame Evolution But That’s Too General, So I’m
Blaming My Parents

Ivdad Arkber, a mysterious, possibly foreign, person

Parker, Barker & Potter
Web Phone Wizards

The Amazing Two-Headed Man With Only ONE HEAD!
(Blood-coidlin’, ain’t it, dollface?)

Advocate of Testing Products On Cartoon Animals

Denial Ain’t Nuthin’ But The Source For A
Bad Country Song Title Pun On A River In Egypt.

Socks, *then* shoes. Repeat, David.

Oh, My God, My Life Is A Blues Song! *And* My Mean
Old Woman Done Me Wrong!

Probably Would Have Been A Gamgee Cousin If I Were A
Hobbit

Can’t Ask, Don’t Dance Me…

An Insane Philanthropist:”Let’s see. I have a million
dollars. I can make one person very happy, or a
million people kinda puzzled. Hell, that’s a no
brainer, no offense. None taken.”