Radioactive Mutant Woman!

So I become radioactive today. I have to take radioactive iodine in order to kill off my thyroid. I was diagnosed with Graves disease about 7 years ago – that’s a hyperactive thyroid. We’ve been managing it with medication, but it’s a pain because I have to get blood tests done every few months to make sure it’s not acting up again. However, there’s been some concern that it might spark another flare of ulcerative colitis, which I also suffer from. (Aren’t I just a wonderful host of autoimmune disorders!) And since I’ve had such a hard time getting the colitis under control, I’d much rather get rid of the thyroid and have done with it. I reconsidered after a good friend, who I trust very much, tried to talk me out of it – but then I looked in the mirror one day and noticed my lovely goiter and how it had grown, including a nice largish lump on one side of my neck, and decided that it was time for it to go. I’m so vain. (Most people don’t seem to notice the swollen thyroid gland so I’ve never been too concerned about the looks. But doctors seem to see it a mile off.)

For 3 to 5 days, I have to avoid all contact with Reid and the boys. I can’t cook for them (aaawww! J), I’ll use a different bathroom, and I can’t sleep with Reid. I discussed all this with a group of friends, and some of their responses were hilarious. Here are a few of them…

The only problem I can see with you sleeping next to Reid is you may keep him awake because you’ll be glowing.

All the dust mites will become radioactive and then one will bite Reid and he’ll acquire the magnified powers of a dust mite.

Dust Mite Man, Dust Mite Man, does what ever a dust mite can…

Under usual circumstances, that’s a bad thing. For you, it’s a good thing. I like to quote the guy from Repo Man ;

J. Frank Parnell: Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it’s bad for you. Pernicious nonsense! Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day – nothing. Swept away. But I’ll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

Otto: Lobotomy? Isn’t that for loonies?

Parnell: Not at all. Friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. You ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people – leaves buildings standing. Fits in a suitcase. It’s so small, no one knows it’s there until – BLAMMO! Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead! So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That’s what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he’s well again.

As for what happens between you and Reid in bed, I don’t want to speculate about that, except to cringe in fear at the though of Reid being, um, enhanced in the manner of monsters from the bottom of Tokyo Bay.

Dust Mite Man, Dust Mite Man, does what ever a dust mite can…
Makes you sneeze
any time.
Dines on skin
leaves no slime

I must say I really enjoyed the jokes!! Hmmm. I wonder what kind of mutant powers I’ll get? I particularly like the idea of spider woman.

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